You’re a Mean One Mr. Bettman

Gary Bettman vs. The Grinch

I wrote this two Christmas’ ago when Gary Bettman denied the move of the Pheonix Coyotes to Canada. Strangely, hockey came to Canada anyway this winter with the arrival of the Winnipeg Jets, and with the proposed NHL size arenas in the works in Quebec City and Markham, it looks like hockey will continue to come to Canada each year despite the Grinch…err, Mr. Gary Bettman. Enjoy!
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Every Fan down in Fanville liked Hockey a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just south of Fanville – did not. The Grinch hated Hockey – the whole Hockey season. Now, please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason.

It could be perhaps that the games were too fun. Or it could be because one team always won. But I think the most likely reason of all, may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Yes, I’m talking to you Mr. Bettman…I mean Mr. Grinch. If any man in sports personifies the selfish, sad, and slightly evil spirited personality of the Grinch, it is Mr. Gary Bettman.

This is the man who brought us two lockouts, the Phoenix fiasco, and has consistently denied the relocation of current NHL teams to Canada.

You may steal our Christmas trees, you may steal all our teams, you may steal the whole season, but you won’t steal our dreams. We will cheer loud, and boo you much louder, remain supportive of hockey and of our country much prouder.

The Jim Balsille versus Gary Bettman feud was ridiculous. Bettman’s ego, his need for power, and for the public knowledge of his power, stifled the possibility of Balsille becoming an owner. Bettman’s ego got in the way, but also, he blamed this situation on the NHL owners saying they unanimously voted against Balsille.

Umm, liar, liar, pants on fire. Recently, San Jose Sharks co-owner Kevin Compton, not only endorsed Balsille as an owner, but called the entire situation a “joke.” Well Mr.

Bettman, the people in Fanville are not laughing.

Bettman is right however; cities such as Winnipeg and Quebec City have had NHL teams fail before. Then again, Bettman is the same man who awarded teams to Denver, Atlanta, and Minnesota, each of which formerly had an NHL team that failed. And we all know Bettman’s moves to place teams in Carolina, Phoenix, and Nashville have been smashing successes.

In all fairness, Bettman is a basketball man who knew nothing about the game of hockey when he arrived on the scene in 1993. All Bettman knew was, there were a number of Southern markets that were not being reached, and that the game of hockey needed to be “Americanized” for ultimate success.

Now, in true Grinch fashion, Bettman is attempting to stop Christmas from coming. Well, actually, he’s preventing the NHL from coming back to Canada through expansion or relocation.

And I say Mr. Bettman, try and you may, but hockey to Canadians is more than a game. You can steal our presents, and our teams you’ll rename, but old hockey will come to us just the same. We will cheer louder, and we might just scream, and someday we will have one more NHL team.

Quebec City is building an arena, Winnipeg already has a new facility, and Jim Balsille will not stop until Southwestern Ontario features a new team. News flash Mr. Bettman, the London Knights of the OHL average the same amount of fans per game on most nights as the Phoenix Coyotes, New York Islanders, and Florida Panthers.

You’re a mean one Mr. Bettman. Hockey fans won’t forgive you for the lockout season. Sure the NHL needed a salary cap, but the NHL also needs a new commissioner, and the players aren’t going to sit out a season to get one.

The fans are against you and the media too, and soon your regime will surely be through. You will not dodge our questions and you will meet our demands. Christmas is coming Mr. Grinch for all hockey fans.

Now, it’s time for your heart to grow three sizes Mr. Bettman. Return hockey to Canada, because it will come with, or without you.

He hadn’t stopped Hockey from coming it came. Somehow or other, it came just the same. And Bettman, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so? It came without stars and it came without stripes, it came without TV or media rights,” And he puzzled for hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! “Maybe Hockey,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store, maybe Hockey…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

Let the games begin.