NHL Cancels Remainder Of The Season After Strange COVID Discovery
The NHL has cancelled the remainder of their 2021 season after a strange COVID-19 discovery was linked to hockey equipment.
“It appears that the virus can be transmitted along with odour,” said University of Vegas virologist Victor Mendax.
The NHL was approaching the trade deadline and playoff run in what was already a shortened season, before this new discovery occurred.
“For decades, parents have fought with kids to wash their own equipment, and now it seems that there is a scientific reason for this. The smellier the equipment, the more dangerous it becomes” added Mendax, who recently completed his doctoral thesis in Illusionary Practices.
NHL officials were notably upset by the discovery.
“Quite literally, something doesn’t smell right with the information we’ve been receiving,” said Sandra Malarkey, special advisor to the league said
“We’ve fought against anti-vaxxers, we’ve fought against anti-maskers, and now, we’ve got people who just refuse to wash their hockey equipment. When will people learn the importance of science?” she continued.
When questioned further about the report Malarkey requested Dr. Mendax to prepare for her, the true issue was uncovered.
“I told my 8-year-old to wear her mask to school, and she did it to protect others. When I was eligible for my vaccine, I did it to protect others, but my husband can’t wash his equipment after men’s league to protect our household? Unbelievable. There will be no NHL season until the smell is gone. To ensure it, my son and I have hidden the remote.”
“The NHL season is cancelled until further notice,” she said.
“We’re all tired of COVID-19, I’ve been wearing my mask to work and to the store every day, and now because of this smell, I have to wear a mask in my own living room? If we can wash our hands and santize regularly, this equipment can get washed as well.”
In a typical year, the NHL playoffs would be starting in the coming days, but not this year.
Although it appears the factual link between COVID-19 and smelly equipment is false, in the Malarkey household, the NHL season is cancelled until the air clears.